


Forgotten Feelings and Lost Truths

by LunaAurea



Series: Fragmented Souls and Mended Memories [2]
Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Angst and Humor, Canon-Typical Violence, Explicit Language, Gen, Post-Apocalypse, Slow Build, Slow Burn, almost everyone is here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:20:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28375326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaAurea/pseuds/LunaAurea
Summary: This is a compilation of specials (omakes) related to Fractured Crown.
Relationships: Allen Walker & Everyone, Everyone & Everyone
Series: Fragmented Souls and Mended Memories [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2077998
Comments: 5
Kudos: 2





	Forgotten Feelings and Lost Truths

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone, Luna here! Welcome to this little compilation of omakes! I don’t know how often I’ll post one, but every special that I can’t fit in Fractured Crown, it’ll be post here instead. This first one is a Christmas special, which it’s already two days late... Well, it happens.
> 
> So, to read these omakes, you need to be up to date with Fractured Crown. This first special is an event right after Chapter IV (part 1) or chapter 13.
> 
> And is there something different from the main fanfic? Yes, it’s the “drabble”. The drabbles here are still related to the main fanfic but are from a different period of time. And they have spoilers to some DGM novels, especially the third one! So, spoilers alert!
> 
> This special was not beta’d. So, I’ll fix any mistakes or typos later.
> 
> I hope you enjoy these specials as much as the main fanfic! Thank you so much for giving these a try!
> 
> And it may be a little late, but Merry Christmas everyone!

_They say gravity is the force behind every fall. Objects and living beings are put down, to Earth’s center, by its oppressing force. But how does something float, then? Well, because whatever causes it to be pulled up, it’s greater than gravity. However, how does someone fall from grace? There is no force that causes that to happen, my friend. You did that to yourself._

_???? ????? ?????_

It was December 24th. Snowflakes fell over a fragile body, yet the 10 years old kid was too numb to feel anything. Drops of water were dripping from his short light brown hair and his long purple coat was all wet to the point where its red and white rhombus pattern was almost disappearing. He was quietly leaning against an obsidian cross shaped grave, tears streaming down from his right silver eye. The other one was covering in dried blood; its colorless round pupil now was slit and its silver iris shined crimson.

He did not want to think nor feel anything at all. Because he knew that, if he felt something, he would remember what he had done. _Whom_ he had murdered.

And the boy did not want that.

He heard footsteps coming towards him and he was hoping that they belonged to someone or something who would kill him. He did not wish to live after that day and he did not deserve to leave that place. He should stay there until his body rotted away. His left arm twitched while this thought crossed his mind, as if that cursed limb were telling him it would never let that happen. And he hated it with all his heart because it caused him so much pain and suffer. If only he never had it, he would never be sold by his family to that Circus, he would never be obligated to work almost like a slave and he would also never meet neither that drunk abusive clown nor that silly dog. Not even _him._

The figure stopped in front of him, their shadow towering over the brunette. Yet, he paid them no mind, his face still looking down to the snow covered ground. “Oi, kid…” The stranger called for him, however they just received silence in return. The boy did not want to speak, to listen nor to see. Nothing would take him away from that battle ground.

He would never let go of his father grave.

“Oi, kid!” The stranger tried again, this time a little more insistent. Once they received no answer again, they crouched next to the boy, forcing the kid to look at them. “Shit, it seems that I was too late…” And somehow, that phrase made him gave a quick glance at them, yet he could see only through his glassy silver eye. The figure in front of him was the same weird priest who three years ago warned him to stay away from his father. And the same bastard who saved him from being caged together with a lion by the furious Ringmaster while the Earl attacked Garvey Circus. The same day that his father lost his memories because the boy rather than beat Cosimov, his cursed arm hit _him_ and after that the man changed his surname.

When Red became Allen, the adopted son of a clown named Mana Walker.

And then, he killed his father.

More tears fell from his good eye. His memory was a little fuzzy, but he remembered that Mana died. **Did he really die?** He was in this graveyard because Mana was buried here. **Mana didn’t die, he became a demon**. He saw the Earl and brought Mana back, turning him into an Akuma. **Mana tried to kill me**. A mechanical monster jumped over him, its claw cutting the left side of his face and with it, his silver eye. **And it hurt him, my cursed arm.** It grew until it was bigger than the kid and moved by its own using its sharp fingers. **I couldn’t stop it, it hurt him so badly.** The giant silver claw dashed towards the metallic evil being, fingers piercing the snow covered ground and propelling the kid’s body forward until it towered over the monster. **But that thing wasn’t Mana anymore, that’s why that demon cursed me.** Once the boy set his left eye on the thing, it twitched painfully and saw Mana’s soul hovering over that mechanical skeleton. **That was not Mana.** His ghost said that the man loved him, that he was forgiven! ** _That_ was not Mana and even if it were him, why would he still curse me?** After his giant claw destroyed that monster, the boy looked around and could not tell since when the Earl disappeared, but the demon was not there anymore. **Where did Mana go?**

**Mana cursed me and left me to die because he was angry at me. Mana knew that, in the end, only one of us would remain. Fate cursed us to never let us live happily together.**

And then, a priest came to save him. **But they weren’t this priest, someone came here first.** But who were they and why he cannot remember them? **I shouldn’t forget about my promise.** Why he cannot remember about anything? **Did I ever forget?**

**There will be no happy ending for us. After all, sinners deserved no such thing.**

A chirp brought Allen back to reality as a yellow ball flew next to his face. It was the bird thing that distracted the lion and let the man saved him. And another thought crossed his mind. _When I got out of the cage, the priest pointed his gun at me. Did he still have it? Don’t I deserve to be shoot at? I didn’t follow his orders._ Hope flooded through his being as he looked up again. He did not accomplish any of his two promises, so it was not fair that he was alive. He did not remember his name and he did not become whom Mana wished for. He would never be a good boy.

Yet, the man surprised him.

The priest raised him, carrying him like a princess through the slipping ground. If the brunette were not so tired, he would have blushed and jerked around to make the man let him go. But, to be honest, he did not care what the redhead would do to him. “Shit, shouldn't you be heavier than this? Ah, you haven’t been eating these past days…” The man concluded, nodding to himself while meticulously putting his feet in the snow. The flying ball barked furiously at him as if it were saying to him to walk faster. “I know, I’m fucking trying! Did you ever fucking use your four legs to walk here?” His glassy silver eye saw the thing biting the man’s ear, earning a furious yell. “Fucking thing, had some respect for your owner!”

The man gazed down to see any hint in the kid’s face, but the boy was still unresponsive. He sighed in resignation, rolling his only red eye. “First, you forced me to find you and now you’re acting like a spoiled brat. Well, if this is _fucking_ you to begin with.” The man trailed off, looking lazily to the horizon. “You didn’t change at all, now that I’m thinking about it. The same _fucking spoiled brat_. Why did I have to pull for you? I swear I’ll make your life hell.” He then stopped talking for a while, his head tilting to the side. “Shouldn’t you be over thirty years or something? When I said early that you’re just a fucking overgrown brat, it was a joke, you shouldn’t take it literally!”

Yet, the child still did not utter a word. “Well, to whom am I even talking? Let’s go, Tim. We have a fucking brat to take care of.”

-x-x-x-

* * *

_December 25 th (27th century): two days ago, at night._

Allen was still inside Komui’s office, his silver eyes boring on Robin. The older brunette was innocently smiling at him, located between the boy and his freedom. “So, we’re done here, right?” The youngest boy started and trailed off when he saw how much anger contorted the other’s face. _What’s so wrong with me going to the Finder’s side? I’m still at the Order, right?_ Robin’s expression was saying otherwise, though. The youngest brunette sighed exhausted. “Can I just go to the Finder’s Wing? I need to find those two and go to eat something.”

“I’m going with you!” Robin said, promptly going near the youngest brunette. That action made Allen quirked his brow and then narrowed his silver eyes. The youngest boy shook his head as a thought crossed his mind. _Hell fucking not you’re coming along._ “But, Allen! I’ve promised you that we were going to celebrate your birthday!” He raised his voice indignant.

“May I interrupt you both and ask something?” Komui cut them in while he took off his glasses. Ur was now lazily walking on his lap after they finished the popcorn bucket which they were eating before. “Why is Allen-kun using shades when it’s already dark?” Both boys looked at him in awe, their silver eyes widening in pure astonishment.

The youngest brunette was caught off guard, his body swinging a little in surprise. On the other hand, Robin averted his attention from Komui to Allen, as if he were seeing the boy’s face for the first time. Then, he burst out laughing. “What’s so funny, you bastard! You know why!” The youngest boy pointed his index finger at the other and then returned his sight to the branch chief. “I’ve photo sense ability.” He nonchalantly said, putting his hands on his hips. The older boy’s laughter grew louder as he folded up and tried to hold his stomach. Allen gave him a dirty look and huffed in indignation.

“Photo sense ability…?” Komui repeated the phrase in wonder, his head tilting to the side as he mused. Then, the man clasped his hands as a thought crossed his mind. “Oh, do you mean: photosensitivity? Your eyes cannot stand intense light!” He exclaimed while his hands tried to find something among the paper stacks. Once the man found a piece of paper, he wrote like a maniac on it. “I need a reminder about this matter so I can warn the Head Nurse later.” He explained when he saw Allen’s confusion. “Did you know that a Noah, after they woke up, they need to use shades because they can’t control their eyes from turning yellow?”

That made Allen take some steps back. _So that’s why everyone is asking me about my shades. So now he’ll let everyone know about my condition, so I won’t look suspicious in the future._ “Thank you, Komui-san.” The youngest boy sounded so sincere that it took the other two by surprise. However, once they recovered from the shock, the man gave him a warm smile. “I’ll get going here. I’m glad that you let this one slide, Komui-san.” This felt so out of character, but he could not stop himself. He was really grateful for not being forced to become an Exorcist and undergo their harsh regime.

“Allen-kun… No, Red-kun, I need to discuss with you two other matters before you go.” The said boy stopped at the office entrance, with Robin following him closely behind. The youngest brunette turned his head to see Komui, quirking a brow. “Firstly, could you please not use your shades here? I want to avoid unnecessary conflict. I’ll ask the Science Section to create contact lenses for you in the meantime.” The boy did what he was requested to do and took his shades off, but when his hand brushed his face, the sore place where Robin hit him early stung. His silver eyes locked on the other’s figure, slightly narrowing. The older brunette blinked and tilted his head in confusion. “Secondly, once you activate your Innocence, Hevlaska’ll check up on you. So, when that happens, you’ll come here immediately, do you understand me?”

Allen wanted to ask him how he knew about that the boy could not activate his Innocence, but his conscience was telling him that one of the two evil blabbers blurted it out. So, he just sighed in resignation as Ur took off and flew until it landed on the youngest brunette’s head. “Yes, Komui-san. I’ll carry out both of your requests.”

_December 25 th (27th century): 10 minutes later._

The youngest brunette was fuming while dashing through the large corridor. Robin was following him closely behind, trying to catch his pace. “Allen, wait up!” He whined aloud, earning him a dirty look from the other. “You know it’s not my fault that those two Finders were easily impressed!” He huffed and folded his arms on his chest, pouting like a petulant kid.

Allen abruptly stopped and turned around to face the other. “Easily impressed? You straight up threatened them! For what reason did you do that? Didn’t I say that my mistakes are mine alone? Don’t go ordering people around to look after me!” He hissed and sucked air through his teeth, calming down. “I’m probably not the only Walker alive. So why don’t you go after them and lemme be?”

Robin vigorously shook his head. “Because the few Walkers left were already corrupted by the Noahs.” That made Allen stop on his tracks and stared incredulously at the other. “They can’t become Exorcists…” The older boy trailed off, his vacant silver eyes wandering around. And that action enraged the other, yet the next phrase made his blood run cold. “That’s why _she_ died.”

“Do you mean that Mom died because she was corrupted by a Noah!?” Allen yelled loudly and grabbed the older brunette by the collar of his black uniform. “Who was the fucking bastard? And what do you mean by _corrupted?_ ” The youngest boy hissed, his silver eyes glinting dangerously. _Mom said something about not trusting in the Campbells, right? Was this what she wanted to say? Because the Campbells were the Noahs who corrupted her? But, how!?_

Yet, Robin was unfazed by his furious reaction. He just quirked a brow. “Allen…” He warned, shaking his head in disappointment. The said boy did not realize that he was saying his thoughts aloud. But once he did, his face flushed and he released Robin from his fierce grip. “Your mother…” He trailed off, sighing in resignation. “You’re stubborn just like her.” The older boy scratched his light brown hair, trying to find the right words. “When she was still a teenager, Julia met the leader of the Noahs by accident… Or destiny, maybe?” Robin shrugged his own words off, as if that were not important to the context at all. “Either way, that meeting led her to a fate worse than death.”

“Which was to be corrupted by him?” Allen concluded, frowning in thought.

“No, of course not.” Robin laughed it out humorlessly while the other brunette looked at him in confusion. “She became their prisoner.” When Allen was about to cut him in, he shushed the youngest kid. “I was the one who helped her escape from them!” He clasped his hands happily while the other was trying to assimilate the current information.

“But you didn’t tell me why she became their prisoner in the first place!” The youngest brunette hissed, biting his lower lip. “And if she wasn’t corrupted by them, why did she die by the Innocence?” He stopped himself for a second, his silver eyes widening in realization. “How does even someone can be corrupted?”

“Walkers are important to the Innocence since they are the only humans able to kill Adam. But a Noah’ll never kill a Walker since they are also important to those monsters. And because of this, they’ll be imprisoned until they’re forced to believe and follow the Noahs blindly. Hence, corrupted.” Allen’s mouth gaped as he took some steps back. “Once corrupted, they’re no better than sinners. And when they try to synchronize with an Innocence, it’ll kill them by turning them into ashes…” Robin stopped and faced the other, vacant silver eyes boring through him. “Do you understand now of what I’m so afraid? You don’t know of what those Noahs are capable once they discovered that you’re a Walker. They’ll lock you in a cage and brainwash you until they are all you think of. There’ll be no happy ending if they laid their hands on you!”

The boy shivered, averting his attention to the nearest wall. “What do you mean is that if I ever go to their side, my Innocence will turn me into a Fallen One and kill me?” Robin shook his head again, confusing even more the kid. “So, what will happen? You’re saying that I shouldn’t go with them but you’re also contradicting yourself telling me that I won’t be punished for doing that! Your threat doesn’t make…” Allen trailed off as something came into his mind. “You’re warning me that if I ever dare to go to their side, my Innocence will automatically try to kill them as a security measure. I hate this.”

“It’s how it is…” Robin concluded their conversation, waving dismissively. Allen wanted to rebuke, but someone cut them in.

“And who the hell are you?” A thin obsidian sword appeared next to the youngest brunette’s neck, startling him. On the other hand, Robin gave the stranger a dirty look, his vacant silver eyes glinting dangerously. “You’re weird.” Once the boy looked at them, he saw a male who was around 19 years old, with short blond hair and dark blue eyes. He was also wearing an Exorcist uniform. “Yuigai, is this bastard related to you?”

 _Yuigai? Didn’t Danny-san say that someone was calling Robin-nii like this…_ “Kanda-san, I can’t say it’s a pleasure to see you again, but hello there.” _Oh. Robin-nii hates him._ “Could you please take that sushi knife away from _Red_ or I’ll make another hole in you with it?” The older brunette politely threatened him, his left hand fiercely grabbing the sword and pushing it away from the other boy.

Kanda frowned as if trying to understand what the brunette’s threat was. Even though, he still took that personally. “I wanna see you try, you little piece of shit!” He changed his stance to a more defensive one, raising his sword and pointing it at Robin’s chest. “I’ll cut you before you can even touch me!” The older boy quirked a brow, then he sighed in resignation. “You don’t believe me, you bastard? So…!”

“Yuu!” Someone interrupted their quarrel, loudly dashing through the large corridor. Allen widened his silver eyes in surprise while Kanda tsked angrily. “What are you doing to our Kouhais?” A blond woman stopped next to the Exorcist, her expression showing all her disapproval. Her dark blue eyes furiously bored on him while she put her hands on her hips. “You shouldn’t threaten people like that, especially those who are by our side!” Her long black dress made a fluid movement when she folded her arms on her chest.

“Nobody asked your opinion, Otenba!” Kanda hissed and averted his sight once he saw her getting even more angry at him. Then, he quickly dodged a thin white object which came towards him. The Exorcist frowned once it stuck on the ground and everyone could take a good glance at it. A silver arrow dangerously shone under the yellow lights of the corridor. Kanda looked unfazed at her. “Your aim is horrible as always. No wonder you never stop bothering me and asking my help when we’re fighting against Akumas.” He nonchalantly said.

Allen did not realize, but the woman was holding a feathery crossbow and pointing it at Kanda’s head. “Ah, Yuu. Don’t flatter yourself. You see, I swear I won’t miss next time.” She ominously said, tilting her head to the side and giving him a sweet smile. After that, she started to shoot arrows on him while he dodged or hit them with his sword.

“Ah, Kanda and Alma-nee are at each other’s throat again. Don’t worry, they’ll be like that until they get tired.” An unknown voice said next to Allen’s right ear. The boy jumped when he saw that a girl with two dark ponytails materialized from thin air. _Where did you come from? And since when are you here?_ “Oh, where are my manners? I’m Lenalee Lee! You must be Allen-kun. Robin-san told us a lot about you.” She happily gave her hand to the youngest brunette while Robin smiled innocently at them.

 _Lenalee? Wasn’t she the person Robin-nii was talking about early with Komui-san?_ “Nice to meet you too, Lenalee-san. Please, call me Red. I hope he did not tell you any nonsense about my person.” He took her hand and delicately shook it. Then, he looked at the older brunette like he was saying that he would kill him later. The girl blinked in confusion, but giggled, nonetheless.

“You don’t need to be so polite. Now I can understand why he was calling you his little brother. You two resemble each other.” Then, a loud sound made them startle and look at the other two fighting on the floor. The woman was giving an armlock on Kanda while he was using his legs to get out of her grip. “Well, their love is something else. Anyway, you two are going to the Cafeteria, right? I’ll take you two there.” She stopped and tilted her head to the side, as if she were trying to remember something. Then, she clasped both her hands. “Ah, Red-kun! Did you already go to Nii-san’s office to check your Innocence?”

“I have already seen Komui-san, but I did not have any Innocence to check up on, Lenalee-san.” He shook his head and waved dismissively. The girl frowned while Robin made a strangled noise. “I was truly hoping that Robin-nii did not say anything weird about me being an Exorcist, but I was wrong indeed.”

“Che, a Moyashi like you being an Exorcist is really absurd. People like you die often on the battlefield because you’re too weak.” Kanda rose from the floor with a surprised Alma hanging on his neck. Meanwhile, Allen was the one who took now personally that phrase. He huffed and looked furiously at the man.

“I am Allen! You’re talking so highly about yourself, but I can’t see that sushi knife of yours cutting something! You’re saying that I’m fragile and stuff, yet your sword will break one day because it can’t bear all your narcissism!” The youngest brunette hissed while approaching Kanda, his silver eyes did not avert from the other’s dark blue. “Do you think that just because you’re an Exorcist that I’ll be afraid of you, you’re very wrong!”

Lenalee hastily dashed and stood between them, raising both her hands until they touched their chests. Meanwhile, Robin and Alma held Allen and Kanda down, respectively. “Robin-san, are you sure that Red-kun is not related to Kanda somehow?” The girl asked so sincerely that took everyone by surprise. The older brunette and the woman burst out laughing while the two pointed their index fingers at themselves and negated her question at the same time. 

“You know what, I’ll be going to my room!” Allen huffed and exclaimed furiously, ignoring Kanda when he said that Moyashi was that weak because he did not eat properly. The youngest brunette forced his way out of Robin’s grip and turned around. “Good night, everyone. Ur, lead the way to the Finder’s Wing.” The said golem took flight and flew around Allen’s head, until it started to guide him through the large corridor. He heard someone shouting out his name, but he ignored them as he walked away.

_December 25 th (27th century): 5 minutes later._

The boy was so mad at Robin for blurting out to everyone that he was somewhat an Exorcist. That was a straight up lie. How could someone who cannot even activate their Innocence be an Akuma killer? _A horrible lie indeed._ Allen thought as his silver eyes wandered through the small and dark room until he stopped at the opened window. He saw the full moon shining the forest with a cold silver light. Yet, what he wanted to see the most did not appear.

He thought about it too soon, though.

The brunette rose from the single bed as something white passed through the window and went towards him. A genuine smile formed on his lips once he looked at the snowy figure that was curiously scanning his room. After it stared at the wooden nightstand, it averted its attention to the door, pointing at it with its gloved hand. “Oh, don’t worry. I locked it. I know that you don’t stand Robin-nii. Neither do I lately.” He trailed off when it nodded and came close to him.

Allen did not tell anyone, but when he was alone, that snowy figure would appear to him next to the window at night. He did not know why he was not afraid of it and he was perplexed with himself to let it get closer to him. However, it made him feel safe and it always calmed him down. So, he let it in.

So, this event became a routine.

When it realized that they were alone, it would go towards him and embrace the boy, patting his back like his mother did when he had a panic attack. Allen would always sigh in relief and bury his face in its fluffy shoulder until he got comfortable and closed his silver eyes. He felt like he was drowning in a familiar warmth, in memories that he would be forced to forget once they were apart again.

Allen hated this because he knew that when he opened his silver eyes, he would lose again to that part of himself he clung so desperately.

**Author's Note:**

> TN (translation notes):  
> Akuma (Demon/Devil)  
> Che (Tsk)  
> Kouhai (Freshman/Junior)  
> Moyashi (Bean Sprouts / Fragile or weak kid)  
> Oi (Hey!)  
> Otenba (Tomboy / A girl who behaviors like a boy)  
> Yuigai (Corpse/Remains)  
> -kun (suffix / indicates a male younger than the speaker or the said person is a boy)  
> -nee or Nee-san (Old Sister)  
> -nii or Nii-san (Old Brother)  
> -san (suffix / honorific for: Mr. or Miss)
> 
> Parts of the drabble are events from a story called Lost Fragment of Snow, which appeared on the third novel! 
> 
> I didn’t want to spoil this before, but I’m using the past versions of Kanda and Alma. There is a reason… But I can’t say because it’ll ruin the surprise! And I’m trying to picture him just like the Kanda we all know. So, everyone’ll have an offensive nickname!
> 
> I truly hope you enjoyed this little special and see you next time!


End file.
